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  #1  
Old 08-13-2010, 09:03 AM
Jesuslives Jesuslives is offline
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Default The Altitude Bible - The Fall of noob kind
Some people requested that I make a sequel to the Genesis 1 of Altitude, so here it is,

Genesis 3 – From The Altitude Version (ALTV)

THE FALL OF NOOBKIND

…And the noobs were all fails, and they were not ashamed. Klamster took the noobs whom He had made and placed them in the servers. He gave them bots for food saying, “EVERY DUMB BOT THOU SHALT HAVE FOR FOOD, THOU SHALT HAVE DOMINION OVER THE TURRETS AND THE BASES, HOWEVER OF THE TREE OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF PWNING AND WHORING, WHICH IS IN THE MIDST OF THE SERVERS, THOU SHALT NOT EAT, FOR IN THE DAY THAT YE EAT OF IT, YOUR EYES WILL BE OPENED, AND YOU WILL KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOOBS, AND YE WILL SURELY LOSE YOUR FREE DEMO.” The noobs agreed not to eat from that tree. But one day, while the noobs were circling and pressing ‘F’ (failfully), and the Dell Computer (a.k.a. the Serpent/the Devil) approached them.
The Dell said, “did Klamz say not to eat of the tree of the Knowledge of Pwning and Whoring?”

“Yepster,” the noobs replied.

“Klamz said this because he knows that in the day you eat of it you will become like hax, both pwning and whoring.” Slithered the Dell.

And the noobs saw the tree that it was pleasing to the eyes, and desirable for getting a positive ratio, and ate of it. At that moment their eyes were opened, and they knew that they were fail, and became very ashamed. Knowing that they were noobs they began to form bad clans, and started to use “your mom” insults to cover up their fail-nakedness. And Klamster said, noobs, noobs, “WHERE ARE YOU?”
The noobs replied, “FU, I am at your momz right now.”

Klamster said, “WAT? HAVE YOU EATEN FROM THE TREE OF PWNING AND WHORING WHICH I F*$%ING TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH?!”

“no u,” replied the noobs

Klamster said, “ITS SRS TIME. GTFO OF ALTI IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 200 HRS, OR ELSE PAY 9.99 or 9.95 TO BUY THE FULL GAME.”
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  #2  
Old 08-13-2010, 09:32 AM
tomato man tomato man is offline
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lolololş, but the fırst bıble was better
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  #3  
Old 08-13-2010, 10:47 AM
Pieface Pieface is offline
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This is so good, please please please continue!
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  #4  
Old 08-13-2010, 10:47 AM
Fartface Fartface is offline
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Default <3
This is amazing, Jebus. I fully expect you to continue to write tales in the water cooler about noobs in various settings of your choosing.
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  #5  
Old 08-13-2010, 10:48 AM
Greekjr14 Greekjr14 is offline
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seriouslly jesus. You have a good way of telling a story lol. Like I said before, if there were enough chapters and pages, it would be a Best Seller.
Last edited by Greekjr14; 08-13-2010 at 10:52 AM.
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  #6  
Old 08-13-2010, 10:51 AM
Greekjr14 Greekjr14 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesuslives View Post
And Klamster said, noobs, noobs, “WHERE ARE YOU?”

The noobs replied, “FU, I am at your momz right now.”

Klamster said, “WAT? HAVE YOU EATEN FROM THE TREE OF PWNING AND WHORING WHICH I F*$%ING TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH?!”

“no u,” replied the noobs

Klamster said, “ITS SRS TIME. GTFO OF ALTI IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 200 HRS, OR ELSE PAY 9.99 or 9.95 TO BUY THE FULL GAME.”
This is my favorite part lol.
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  #7  
Old 08-13-2010, 11:43 AM
A doughnut A doughnut is offline
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Once again, I lol'd. so hard.
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  #8  
Old 08-13-2010, 10:39 PM
Jesuslives Jesuslives is offline
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Glad you guys liked it, if I have some time to kill I might do the Altitude version of the Noah/Flood story.
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  #9  
Old 08-14-2010, 03:40 AM
leggomyeggo leggomyeggo is offline
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seriously, you have a gift, this is hilarious
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  #10  
Old 08-14-2010, 03:46 AM
Jesuslives Jesuslives is offline
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Ty Thats why dragon wants 2 marry me!
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  #11  
Old 08-14-2010, 03:50 AM
leggomyeggo leggomyeggo is offline
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haha, a fish and a dragon married together.. :P
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  #12  
Old 08-14-2010, 03:55 AM
Jesuslives Jesuslives is offline
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haha, a fish and a dragon married together.. :P
A fish? If I didn't know u already you would be dead 20 seconds ago.
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  #13  
Old 08-16-2010, 10:26 PM
Fartface Fartface is offline
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The title says it all.

Thanks for letting me use this thread.
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  #14  
Old 08-18-2010, 01:05 AM
zackzingki zackzingki is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tomato man View Post
lolololş, but the fırst bıble was better
EQUally Funny XD i dont know why the hell im laughing make another one!!!!
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  #15  
Old 08-18-2010, 01:05 AM
zackzingki zackzingki is offline
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This is so good, please please please continue!
Amen brother, Amen.
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  #16  
Old 03-11-2011, 11:13 AM
Aero_Beast Aero_Beast is offline
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First time I ever saw this and I think it deserves a bump for the noobs to read.
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  #17  
Old 03-11-2011, 12:00 PM
acegunner acegunner is offline
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That was hilarious
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  #18  
Old 03-11-2011, 12:23 PM
Mandrad Mandrad is offline
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Holy crap!!!
VN1
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  #19  
Old 03-11-2011, 04:07 PM
Demuyt Demuyt is offline
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you noobs.

+/- summer 2010 I think

EDIT: i'm the noob, date is over the post
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  #20  
Old 03-11-2011, 04:35 PM
Rainmaker Rainmaker is offline
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And so on the seventh day, the day meant for jesus to rest for all the effort of creation he stared with his eyes at the noobs and said:
"All you bases are belong to us"
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  #21  
Old 03-12-2011, 01:47 AM
Jrathje Jrathje is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IntoTheWalls View Post
And so on the seventh day, the day meant for jesus to rest for all the effort of creation he stared with his eyes at the noobs and said:
"All you bases are belong to us"
If you're gonna quote a meme, at least quote it correctly. It's "All your BASE are belong to us". Not plural.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_you...e_belong_to_us
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  #22  
Old 03-12-2011, 02:07 AM
Greekjr14 Greekjr14 is offline
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Originally Posted by IntoTheWalls View Post
And so on the seventh day, the day meant for GOD to rest for all the effort of creation he stared with his eyes at the noobs and said:
"All you bases are belong to us"
fixed cuz it was bugging me
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  #23  
Old 03-12-2011, 02:22 AM
Boko Boko is offline
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It's funny cuz there's jesus in his name and its a bible


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jrathje View Post
If you're gonna quote a meme, at least quote it correctly. It's "All your BASE are belong to us". Not plural.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_you...e_belong_to_us
I believe the correct term is

"All ur basis are belonging to ours"
Aero_Beast is a n00b
That's straight from the game, the translation. I played it.
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  #24  
Old 03-12-2011, 03:03 AM
Jrathje Jrathje is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Boko View Post
It's funny cuz there's jesus in his name and its a bible




I believe the correct term is

"All ur basis are belonging to ours"
Aero_Beast is a n00b
That's straight from the game, the translation. I played it.
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