The Top Ten™

elxir · #1 01-29-2012, 08:02 PM

A brief look at the top 10 players with my thoughts, comments, and reactions to their shenanigans...

Without further ado...

(1) zZ [BBQ] [USA]

zZ is pretty good at this 2d plane-shooter. The same cannot be said for the rest of you. Taking over the crown long held by Shmoseph is no easy task, but thus far he has proven up to the challenge. Displaying an incredible ability to play Miranda at the worst possible moments, zZ nevertheless dazZles us all with his wonderful maneuvers.

(2) Pata {arr} [FRANCE]

Conveniently falling to second place just as our editorial staff concludes its research for this issue, Pata is still remarkably good at a variety of planes. Unfortunately, he is also remarkably good at being from France, and as such can never actually win. Quickly catching up to ///tvo and the Buffalo Bills as the best teams to win second place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke of Wellington

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

(3) VipMattMann {arr} [USA]

Our first expatriot in these rankings, Mattman's interests include recording semi-final Skyleague matches, being confused with Matattack, and pissing on his native land.

He's single, ladies!

(4) Shmo {PM} t3c. [USA]

Despite not having played more than a handful of games this season, Shmo nonetheless finds himself in the top 5. Showing an incredible ability to defy modern physics and math, his presence in these rankings is a true testament to his greatness.

(5) Nikon {ball} [USA]

Nikon continues to be great, despite playing Miranda a disproportionate amount of the time. He also private messages me way too often. Other than that, he's a pretty swell guy. Rumors continue to swirl about his adoption, since there is just no way he can be genetically linked to his siblings.

(6) Threevenge AH| [USA]

I have no idea what AH's tag looks like these days. Apparently it's that thing up there. Not very creative. I really have nothing interesting to say. There is a black hole in my mind where information about Threevenge ought to be. We'll just say he is a fan of Hillbilly Hand Fishin' and move along.

(7) Goose {arr} [FRANCE]

He's...evolving...!

(8) Strzy {arr} [SPAIN]

The lone representative from a country that doesn't suck, according to the other countries representatives herein, Strzy can boast that he is elixir's best teammate on ladder. This distinction has been held by other notable scholars such as Brillo, Babe Ruth, and Bugs Bunny.

(9) DN AH| [USA]

Mounting a remarkable comeback to get into these rankings as they were being sent to press, DN has recently been on an 8L streak. When asked about it, he ignored me. The DN to {ball} watch continues this week, as in every week. His resistance to the {ball} mind probe is considerable.

(10) elixir t3c. [USA USA USA]

Appearing in these rankings for the fifth consecutive season (editors note: we count that aborted two day season!), elixir continues to display a modicum of competence with all four planes, having at least 45 games played in each boat this season.

Notes and other hubbub from this Top Ten™:

- RYEBONE STILL AIN'T IN IT
- Strzy and DN displayed a remarkable ability to flip-flop in the rankings during the time of this writing
- Sage'd
- RIP Fun™, 2009 - 1/28/2012
- Warrants issued for Nobodyhome and Mikesol, persons of interest in the murder of Fun™

God bless, and we hope you have a Merry Monday.