Official Recipe List of {r87}

sunshineduck · #1 08-16-2010, 08:47 PM

For you aspiring chefs out there, these are the foods we prepare and consume prior to hitting you in the face with our dicks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gturtle

Pancakes a la {r87}

Dry
1 1/4 cups flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda (optional, only use if unsure of baking powder potency)

Wet
2 tablespoons sugar
1 egg, beaten like a red headed step child
1 1/4 cup milk
3 tablespoons melted butter
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla (to be added prior to mixing wet with dry)

Step 1) Turn the heat to medium-low, place your pancake cooking surface onto that ****ing heat, the metal needs to expand
Step 2) Sift the dry ingredients into a medium sized bowl
Step 3) Combine the wet ingredients in a separate bowl, if the melted butter is hot, be careful about combining it with the egg and ending up with scrambled eggs
Step 4) Pour the wet ingredient bowl into the dry ingredient bowl. Barely mix, I swear if you try to get all the lumps out you're going to make gluten and nobody wants gluten in their pancakes
Step 5) Take some butter, rub it all over the pancake cooking surface
Step 6) Grab a paper towel, and rub it lightly on the pancake cooking surface, you only want a trace amount of butter on there
Step 7) Make pancakes, doing the whole "Oh the bubbles on the edge are set, time to flip!" thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by brock86

They don't form perfect circles? Grow the **** up, pussy.

Make them from scratch like GT says. IDK if that's the best recipe, but it's got all the right stuff in about the right proportions (I think the one I use has a bit less flour and milk, around 1 cup of each). Seriously, take the extra 2 mins to do it the right way.. **** mixes, man.

'Barely mix' is another key. You basically want most of the dry stuff to become mostly wet, but don't worry about being perfect. Should only take a few good times around the bowl with your spoon/whisk to get to that state. Reason is, when flour gets wet it creates gluten, and when gluten gets mixed around it binds together, forming longer gluten chains, which will make the resulting batter stiffer. Too much mixing could be a contributing factor to why your pancakes don't spread well.

Last point is heat, which hasn't really been addressed. There's a perfect heat for cooking pancakes - when a drop or two of water hits the heated pan, the water should sort of explode into a bunch of much smaller droplets which will then evaporate. The way I test this is running my hand under the tap for a second (just to get it wet), then moving it over top of the pan on the stove and letting a few drops drip down. If it's too cold, the drops will sit intact and slowly boil off. Too hot, and they'll stay together and very quickly boil. Perfect temp = drop breaks up upon contact with the pan and sputters, shooting off tiny droplets. You'll get the hang of it pretty quickly, mostly by judging it to not be one of the wrong boiling conditions. On most electric stoves that I've used in the past years, this temp is around 5-5.5 out of 10.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gturtle

Duck and Pork Green Chili

Ingredients-

3-4 pounds of Duck (who the **** are we kidding, go buy chicken thighs that duck **** is like 213908 bux a pound)
1 pound ground pork
1/4 cup canola oil
1 clove finely chopped garlic
1 tablespoon cumin seeds
1 teaspoon coriander seeds
2 tablespoons kosher salt
1 tablespoon paprika
2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup beer
1 onion, finely chopped
1 red pepper, finely chopped
3 poblano chiles, finely chopped
1 jalapeno, minced
4 cups chicken stock
1 (4-ounce) can green chiles, chopped
8 tortilla chips, crushed like a mother ****er
2 tablespoons chopped cilantro leaves
3 tablespoons lime juice (just buy a lime none of that plastic lime ****)

Right, pretty basic- cut the chicken and the pork into 1/2 to 1/4 inch cubes (note: use separate cutting boards and knives.) Add the oil to a large dutch oven over medium-high heat, and brown the pork cubes- should take about 7 minutes. Then throw in some of that ****ing fake-duck we've got and the finely minced garlic, cooking for another 5 minutes or so. That's when you add the spices in **** that are in a different color in the ingredient list, along with the flour. For those people who have an idea about what's going on, you're going to be making a roux with the flour and the fat from the duck/pork. Since that's nobody here, keep agitating the flour with your stirring utensil for three minutes, until the flour is lightly browned. Once your roux is made, you better add in the beer, the onion, the red pepper, the poblanos, and the jalapeno. Let that **** meander for another minute or so, and then lower the heat to low, and add the chicken stock and the canned green chiles. Now, you're going to want to ladle out some of the broth into a separate bowl, add the crushed like a mother****er tortilla chips to that, and stir until they're nice and mixed up- then add the contents of the bowl back into the chili pot.

Then you let that **** simmer and make your house smell nice for the next hour (covered.)

Then later, you add the cilantro and the lime juice, eat it, and then people from texas post about how that's not real chili because it's only got X number of scovilles and **** them that's why we let them keep that clause about seceding from the union in their state constitution.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gturtle

{r87} Corndogs

1 cup yellow cornmeal
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 tablespoons (approximately 1 large) jalapeno pepper, seeded and finely minced
1 (8.5-ounce) can cream-style corn
1/3 cup finely grated onion
1 1/2 cups buttermilk
1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese (or pepper jack if you want)

Chopsticks, for handles

4 tablespoons cornstarch, for dredging

Heat a gallon of you favorite deep frying oil (Peanut or Canola Oil will do, since they've got a higher smoke point) to 375 degrees. Mix the dry ingredients (cornmeal, flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, and cayenne pepper) in a medium mixing bowl, in a separate pot combine the jalapeno, corn, cheddar cheese, onion, and buttermilk over low heat, to help incorporate the cheese. When the wet ingredients are nice and incorporated, take them off the heat, and incorporate the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients- stirring only enough to mix them together (AKA FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T TRY TO MIX OUT THE LUMPS.) Scatter the dredging cornstarch into a dry pie pan or anything that you want to, tbh, then roll each hot dog in the cornstarch and tap well to remove any excess you want a really thin, even coat, if you don't do this then the batter isn't going to stick to your hotdog and will come off in the heat of the frying oil. Transfer enough batter to almost fill a large drinking glass. Refill the glass as needed. Place each hot dog on chopsticks, and quickly dip in and out of the batter. Immediately and carefully place each hot dog into the oil (keep the sticks out of the oil, whether by holding them or whatever the **** you want to do- only two at a time at the most, because otherwise the oil will cool too much) and cook until the coating is golden brown, about 4 to 5 minutes, make sure you keep an eye on the temperature of the oil, because as you add the hot dogs to the oil, the oil's temperature will cool down slightly. If the oil isn't hot, the water in the batter and the hot dog doesn't evaporate, and you end up with soggy, greasy corn dogs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gturtle

{r87} Style Baked Buffalo Wings

INGREDIENTS

* 3/4 cup flour
* 5 teaspoons cayenne pepper
* 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
* 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 20 chicken wings
* 1/2 cup melted butter
* 1/2 cup hot pepper sauce, such as Frank's RedHot

DIRECTIONS

1. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil, and lightly grease with cooking spray. Place the flour, cayenne pepper, garlic powder, and salt into a resealable plastic bag, and shake to mix. Add the chicken wings, seal, and toss until well coated with the flour mixture. Place the wings onto the prepared baking sheet, and place into the refrigerator. Refrigerate at least 1 hour.
2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
3. Whisk together the melted butter and hot sauce in a small bowl. Dip the wings into the butter mixture, and place back on the baking sheet. Bake in the preheated oven until the chicken is no longer pink in the center, and crispy on the outside, about 45 minutes. Turn the wings over halfway during cooking so they cook evenly.