|
|
|||||||
| The Water Cooler Discuss unrelated topics. Keep it clean. Keep it nice. |
 |
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
|
#1
05-31-2011, 06:41 AM
|
|||
|
|||
A Starcraft II Love Story: Part I, Electric Death Beam
Hello ladies and gentlemen,
This evening it is my pleasure to chronicle for you the first day of my life in the world of Starcraft II. Until recently, I had been under the impression that my computers could not run Starcraft II. In reality, however, Apple Store employees are just borderline incompetents and are not to be trusted. The journey begins during the height of the Altitude competitive season - the world renowned Altitude Proleague Finals. This season, the competitors were fLb and IL. Nobody really cares about the actual games though. More importantly, Tyr was casting the game, and sunshineduck was spectating in the server. It is important to point out, however, that while the game is irrelevant, I had great seats. i somehow got lucky and was spectating between two-time former APL champion ex and the venerable Sinstar20k. SSD was near us, but he's asian so he wasn't allowed in the front row. Anyways, since none of us cared about the events unfolding before us, we started talking about Starcraft II. After roughly twelve seconds of discussion, I concluded that I needed to buy SC2. Unfortunately, I was still under the impression that I could not run it on either of my computers. After an entirely useless chat with the spectators seeking advice, I just googled it. Turns out, google is a lot smarter than your average Apple Store employee. At this point, Sinstar requested spectators to vacate the server to make room for some unimportant IL player who would in no way influence the outcome of the finals. Being the good Altitudian that I am, I graciously acquiesced to Sin's request, as I was heading out the door to buy SC2 at that very moment! With a skip in my step, I bounded towards the nearest Gamestop, braving the 86 degree heat wave of doom that had blanketed Boston. I happily strode up to the door of the Gamestop, eager to shell out $59.99 for a computer game on the most beautiful (holi)day of 2011. My world fell apart as I strained to open the door. Looking up from the handle (after making sure that I wasn't trying to pull a push door), I could see nothing but darkness inside the Gamestop. My heart pounded, confusion coursing through my veins. I read their store hours three times: each time I remained convinced that it was not yet 10pm, given that it was in fact 3:30pm. Struggling for a moment, I came to a brutal realization; it was Memorial Day. A holiday. A holiday that apparently, only Gamestop employees are privileged enough to partake in, as the local ice cream shop remained humming with activity. Bloody Gamestop. My dreams temporarily crushed, I thought for a moment about my next move. I immediately thought of going to Best Buy, as they would likely be open. Reaching into my pocket, I quickly realized how futile such an endeavor would be. I had left my T card at home, and had no intention of walking several miles in ohmygoditssohotoldpeopledefinitelydiedfromit weather. With that crippling failure in my other pocket, I then walked to a basketball court I had been meaning to check out. To my dismay, there were literally three people there. On Memorial Day. Damn it all! Dreams even more totally crushed, I headed home. Logging into Altitude, I finally backdoored my way into the crowded APL2 server. SSD asked me if I had the game - I called him a f*****. Undettered by his sexual orientation, he suggested that I instead download the game. What wizardry is this, I thought to myself! With my skipping step once again revived, I semi-quickly created a battle.net account and proceeded to purchase SC2 for the low cost of USD $59.99. I could have gotten 90 beers for that price, by the way. Ninety. Jury is out on which purchase will hold more value. Five hours later (seriously, five f****** hours), I was delighted to find that my download had finished. The installation went very quickly, and I settled in to experience my first game of Starcraft II. Then Blizzard pulled a classic Blizzard and immediately started patching my newly installed game. Thirty minutes later (seriously, thirty f****** minutes), I was ready to play for real. Scanning the game mode options, I quickly decided on a match versus the AI. Why on Earth would I do that, you may ask? Well, because campaigns are stupid as hell for the first 18 levels and I did not have all night to fool around. I had epic tales to tell. Leaving all the basic settings the same, I selected the glorious and honorable Protoss. Why? Because Protoss are the balls. I decided to try my hand against a medium AI, mono a mono, because that was the default setting. I changed it to random to spice things up a little, and proceeded to select the first map from the list. Entering the game, I was pleased to see that I still remembered how to mine blue crystals. I built some of those photon cannons near my front door (once I found it) so I could avoid having to actually fight the enemy for the first fifteen minutes. In the meantime, I thought back to my conversation with SSD. He told me SC2 had a super overpowered lazer, just like Altitude. With delight, I searched for it and finally located it in the Starport. The tastefully named Void Ray turned out to be a dream come true. I built four of them, and used the ever brilliant tactic of flying them up the edge of the map to the enemies backside. The blue lines of death that carried forth from the maw of the Void Ray were one of the most glorious sights I had ever seen. They were unstoppable, likened unto Death itself. I was pleased. I was in love. Then I killed everything and the computer tried to surrender, but I wanted that damn AI to be scarred from this defeat. I declined its surrender request, and proceeded to pummel its remaining forces. The AI in Starcraft III will hear tales of this slaughter. I played another game or three after that, eventually convincing myself to play the hard AI. I split the series with it, as apparently it just makes a ****load of units and kills me before I have time to make anything cool like Void Rays. Whatever. Skynet will kill us all someday anyways, no sense getting angry at an alien simulation game. And so, my dear friends, our hero has reached the end of the first step in his noble journey. With the power of the Void Ray and the shenanigans of the Dark Templar and Warp Prism, I eagerly anticipate the long foretold time when I enter the online fray. Out. Last edited by elxir; 05-31-2011 at 06:46 AM. 
|
|
#2
05-31-2011, 07:09 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
#6
05-31-2011, 01:13 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
mled thinks the void ray is overpowered too
|
|
#8
06-01-2011, 02:23 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Hey ass**** add me
|
|
#10
06-01-2011, 03:12 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
#11
06-01-2011, 04:48 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Best line:
Quote:
__________________
"Beagle, your words move and inspire me -" and of course they do, you silly little muppet, that is the intent
|
|
#13
06-02-2011, 08:03 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Amidst great fanfare, the noble Protoss leader has been placed into the 2v2 Silver Division. Unsure of what this means, he can only assume that it is akin to a development league of the American National Basketball Association.
|
|
#16
06-02-2011, 08:44 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
#19
06-02-2011, 09:39 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
check ur inbox
|
|
#23
06-10-2011, 11:31 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
gogo carrier story lix =D make it happen
|
|
#29
07-07-2011, 04:08 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Six game win streak. Bangarang!
I have been using 3 gate fast blink stalkers exclusively and it is absolutely charming to work with. I was tragically forced to diverge slightly from this build for my sixth win, as it was a PvP crapshoot...so I just built 3 gates 2 robos and pumped out a few immortals and collosi to compliment my teleporting cyborgs. My opponent laughed when I walked my collosi up his backside and blinked my stalkers up, as he had 4-5 cannons at his front door. I have yet to encounter a terran who fast marauders during this stretch, but I think my micro is getting good enough that I can take care of it. Any tips on dealing with marauders besides using my top three control? Also, who on earth invited me to a party last night? Apa yelled at me for declining the invite but I've no clue who it was and I was signing off anyways. My build is something like this: 9 pylon, 12 gate, 14 gas, 16 core, something pylon, etc...I assume that is good?
|
|
#30
07-07-2011, 05:00 PM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
#33
07-08-2011, 03:40 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
My last ten games:
W v #1 silver W v #2 silver W v #7 silver L v #1 silver L v #5 silver L v #4 gold W v #3 silver W v #50 silver W v #72 silver W v #4 silver So basically the computer thinks it is funny to make me play a lot of players who are ranked 40 spots above me (i'm silver #40). I don't think that's very nice of it. Do you think it will promote me at all for season 3? Weigh in now at http://altitudegame.com/forums/showthread.php?t=6678
|
|
#34
07-08-2011, 05:48 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
That was fricken hilarious. but when has it ever been 86 degrees in the spring in boston. Blasphemy. Great Story though even though i still think starcraft is gay and i would never spend 50 bucks on it
|
|
#36
07-10-2011, 08:08 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
just placed masters 4's with woken and apa
supppppp
|
|
#37
07-11-2011, 02:25 AM
|
|||
|
|||
|
Quote:
|
|
|
|
Linear Mode
